The remnants of Hurricane Ida have turned into a Nor' Easter, bringing high, cold winds and gloomy weather to my little corner of the world. Some areas have lost power, and I fear I might be next. The lights have been blinking all day, and all it takes is one downed tree in my neighborhood. In anticipation of a romantic dinner by candlelight in front of the fireplace, I've broken out my dutch oven and am preparing a hearty wine-based beef stew for dinner. The bonus is that I get to drink the rest of the wine because I only need a cup for my stew. And if the power goes out, I can always move the dutch oven to the wood-burning fireplace and finish cooking.

Cheers! Stay warm and dry, everyone. I can't believe it already feels like winter here.

Last week I had to take a trip to Kentucky, center of excitement.  It wasn't all work and no play, though.  I did get to visit a bourbon distillery: my favorite bourbon, Woodford Reserve.  I learned why it is probably my favorite bourbon too.  I'm a big fan of Irish Whiskey, and Woodford Reserve is the only distillery which triple-distills the bourbon in giant copper pot stills.  Irish Whiskey is distilled in the same manner.  Who knew that my bourbon tastes could be so specific!



So how does John Malkovich fit into this?  Well, they are currently filming Secretariat  in Lexington, KY, and John Malkovich was staying at my hotel!  I was sitting in the hotel bar one evening, having a flight of bourbons, and I was sitting right next to him and Kevin Connolly.  I was totally unaware that it was John Malkovich until my bartender kindly informed me that the nice older gentleman who was impressed with my bourbon-drinking abilities was a famous movie star.   I also didn't recognize Kevin Connolly.  He's apparently a big star on the show Entourage, but I don't watch that show.  Thus, I was absolutely clueless to the fact that I was joking with two famous Hollywood types about my lady-like preference for drinking my bourbon neat.  The director was also there, showing still from the movie to the bartenders on his laptop.  I hear Diane Lane is also in the movie, but she wasn't staying at my hotel.  She was slumming across the street at the Embassy Suites.  LOL!

No, I didn't take any pictures of Kevin or John.  First of all, I didn't have my camera with me at the bar, and the camera on my Samsung Juke cellphone is pathetic.  Secondly, I have a no-photo policy when it comes to famous people unless they volunteer first.  I figure they are probably sick and tired of having cameras shoved in their faces 24/7 or being photographed and annoyed while trying to eat dinner or have a drink.  I just drank my bourbon and had a great time chatting with them, one human being to another.  As John left to go back to his room later that evening, another bar patron ran after him to get his autograph, stopping him at the elevator.  He was very gracious about it, but damn - I just can't imagine that being a part of my everyday life!

So, that was my excitement last week: bourbon and John Malkovich.  As a bonus, I now know I also really enjoy Eagle Rare 17 bourbon, thanks to that flight at my hotel bar.  I also feel compelled to see Secretariat when it is released.  You know, because I was there!

Damn you to hell with your enticing 40% off special fall preview shopping day for BR Members!  You knew it would lure me to the store and that I would be enamored with all of the jewel-toned items for fall.  A silk blouse in a luscious deep ruby color?  SOLD!  A  trouser-cut dress pant that feels like a comfy pair of jeans, meaning I'll also wear it on the weekends?  SOLD!

*sigh*

I shouldn't complain.  Usually I get these special promotional discounts only to to and find the store littered with blah pastel items that make me look like a rotten Easter Egg.  It's one of the reasons I look forward to the Fall shopping season: better color selections for people who look good in jewel tones.

It is an auspicious date.  Today I had my HSG confirmation test, and...

I'M OFFICIALLY STERILE!

I'm so excited, and I think it's hilarious that I got confirmation on this date.  I've read numerous articles in the past week about Bridezillas getting married today because of the date and Breedzillas scheduling C-sections because of the date.  In contrast, I didn't plan this.  It's entirely coincidental since the 3-month, post-Essure HSG test is scheduled around your menstrual cycle.  It just so happens that mine made 09/09/09 the best day for the test.  However, I'm not complaining!  I think it's so cool to have 09/09/09 as my sterility anniversary date.  I'm not superstitious or a believer in numerology, but 9 has always been lucky for me.  I also just like the aesthetics of the number: curvy!  Furthermore, I get an extra-big chuckle out of the fact that it's 06/06/06 upside down, confirming to everyone that I'm an evil Selfish Heathen for real.  That's right, breeders!  I'm an eeeeeeevil child-hater.  Bwahahahahahahaha!

I can't wait to get copies of the x-rays.  I did see the whole procedure on a screen while they were doing it, though, and the radiologist confirmed that everything is blocked and good to go.  It's very neat to see your uterus and the Essure coils.  As a bonus, I had absolutely no difficulty at all with the x-ray procedure: no pain, no cramps, no discomfort.  The worst part was the cold implements.  Ladies, you know what I mean.  So, if you are thinking of Essure or have had Essure and dread the HSG test, don't be afraid.  I thought it was a total breeze.

Mr. Cavyherder and I are going out tonight to paint the town red and celebrate.  I'm also planning my official I'm-NOT-having-a-baby shower.  I think I'll hold it in October, near my birthday, and make it a two-fer.

This is probably the singular best piece of advice my Mother gave me. She insisted that many people mistake need for love, often to their own detriment. She was guilty of doing it herself, and it's part of the reason she found herself married to a 38 year-old-man at 18 and pregnant by the time she was 19 years old. Obviously, she was attracted to my Dad on some level, but she admits that her overwhelming need to get away from home drove her straight into marriage at an early age. (My Grandfather was a binge-drinking alcoholic who became argumentative and violent when he drank. Cherokee people can't handle liquor, and Grandpa was no exception.)

I'm pondering this because I recently read a bizarre and telling statement on a blog. No, I don't troll MOO blogs. I read many craft and thrifty home decorating blogs because I like to decorate on the cheap. Most of those blogs are written by people with kids. Most of them are also Believers, so the blogs can be ripe with Kodak-moment fantasies and Praise-Gawd crap, but I try to look past it and read the useful stuff. However, this post stopped me dead in my tracks and made me think:


This is one of the most common talking points used by breeders who try to convince me that I'm not fully human or will never understand "true love." Their children smile at them, and it's unconditional love I will never appreciate or know until I have children. If I don't accept that "gift", I am sub-human and not a real adult.

Excuse the fuck out of me, but that is NOT unconditional love. That is need. Your infant and children look at you like you are the center of the universe because they need you. Without you, they cannot take care of themselves. They need you to feed them, clothe them, provide shelter, and help them navigate the world until they are old enough to stand on their own. They are wholly dependent upon you for survival!  This is not love.  This is necessity.  The squirrels look at me every morning as if I'm the Queen of the Universe because I am the bringer of bird seed.  I know humans like to think they are superior and shit, but it's the same thing.  The squirrels worship me because I feed them.  Your children worship you for the same basic reason: survival.

However, many breeders mistake it for unconditional love from their children.  They have children to fill some vacuum in their own existence.  "I want someone to love me unconditionally, and my children do that!"  Then they insist they have a lock on true love and understanding the human experience solely because they take care of a child they created, which is an obligation of parents everywhere.  It isn't LOVE.  Futhermore, women are flooded with a dose of hormones which engender feelings of love and protection towards their children.  If they didn't, most of them would probably kill them after a week of no sleep, shitty diapers, and constant tit-feeding!  That "love" is a biological response.  It is not magical or sacred or better than love between two adults.

Yet breeders denigrate the love I have for my husband or friends.  My husband does not need me, and I don't need him.  If he died tomorrow I could still take care of myself, and he could do the same if I died.  I choose to be with him, and I do honestly love him, warts and all.  I would willingly die for him, and this loyalty and feeling isn't the product of necessity or biology.  It is a product of free will.  At the same time, I do love my mother.  However, I would say that I didn't truly love her and appreciate her until I was self-supporting.  At the point where I was living on my own and didn't need her, I could honestly assess how I felt about her and concluded that I loved her.  She's a good person.  She has flaws just like anyone, but the good outweighs the bad.  Some other people were unfortunately born to parents who are not good people, and they find themselves with no love for them by the time they reach adulthood.  Thus, this sacred, special, holier-than-thou "child-parent love" is not so special or unconditional after all.  It's probably not even love but a biological imperative for survival on the part of both parties.

So, breeders who read this, think about that the next time you say something smarmy like "Oh, you don't know REAL love until you have a child" to someone who doesn't want children.  The simple fact is that you don't know real love, either, because that worshipful look in your kids' eyes is about survival, not love.

After 11 years in my home, I finally own an actual dining room table. 

Mr. Cavyherder and I lived in apartments, bouncing around the country during graduate school, jobs, etc. and never bothered to buy a dining table.  When we purchased our first home, we never bought a dining table because we have a peninsula in the kitchen.   We just bought some counter stools and ate most of our meals there.  Of course, it was tricky if we had guests because the peninsula only seats two comfortably, but most of our guests seemed to visit when the weather was nice.  We could eat outside on the veranda.  Strangely enough, we have a very nice table on our veranda.  Priorities! On the rare occasions that it wasn't nice enough to eat on the veranda, we managed to cram four people around the peninsula, but it was far from comfortable or ideal.  Our dining area was our workout room; I couldn't even use a folding card table.  It used to house the elliptical, weight bench, and weights, but I recently moved all of that into the guest bedroom.

Anyway, I was in the midst of listing more of my own items on Craigslist yesterday and saw a listing for a gorgeous gathering table.  For those who don't know, a gathering table is a counter-height table.  It's not as formal as a dining room table, but it's not as informal as a pub table.  It's somewhere inbetween those two.  The particular table in the Craigslist ad was an extremely expensive table by Bernhardt furniture: solid pin-cherry wood (looks antique), huge carved legs, self-storing butterfly leaf, seats 8 when expanded to a 60" x 60" square table (6 when not).  They sell the same table in High Point, NC at Furnitureland South for $1200, not including the chairs which are $600+ each.  The online posting listed the table for $350, no chairs.  I didn't need the chairs; I already have counter-height chairs for our peninsula.  Thus, I quickly called the contact in the listing to see if I could look at it.  I guess I was first in line.  He said he still had it and that I could look at it last night.  I was thrilled to see that it was in excellent condition.  It looked hardly used at all.  The owner said it had belonged to his mother who recently passed away at the age of 92.  She only had the table a couple of years before she died.  He already had a formal dining room set, and he didn't want to keep the table despite how expensive it was.  He also didn't have counter-height chairs for it.  Sadly, it was too large to fit in my car. The owner was a trooper, though, and really wanted to sell that table because he loaded it into his minivan and followed me home.  He and Mr. Cavyherder even tried to move all 200 pounds of it into the house.  Alas, they didn't quite succeed.  It takes a woman's touch.  We had to remove the doors and puzzle it into the house.  I did say it's a big, heavy table!   The dimensions made it challenging.  However, it's now in my dining room, looking absolutely stunning.


I still can't believe I got a $1200 table for only $350.  WIN!  Craigslist is the way to go if you need furniture but don't want to pay a fortune.  Sure, there is a lot of crap on there, but there are some hidden gems if you're willing to look.  This guy was selling most of his mother's estate on Craigslist, and it was just serendipity that I saw this table.

This week has been a mixed bag.  I spent the greater part of the weekend configuring my awesome new TV, a 55" LED TV, and a new Blu-Ray player.  I have to say, it rocks!  It sees my NAS, and I'm able to play all of my music and watch videos from it right on the TV.  It also has access to YouTube, meaning I can enjoy the content on a giant TV screen instead of a computer monitor.  If that isn't enough goodness, the Blu-Ray player also accesses NetFlix On-Demand and Pandora Internet Radio.  Truly, I have been in A/V geek heaven.  Here's a photo of the glorious new time sink which is our A/V system:

In other news, I got a giant not-so-cool surprise from my current ISP.  They sent me an email yesterday informing me that I had until September 24th to move everything on my VPS to a new server.  Apparently, they are relocating some of their customers from a Florida data center to one in Illinois.  I was a bit pissed off that they expected me to migrate the server.  After all, I didn't choose to move to a new data center and server.  They made that choice for me!  In the past, every single ISP I've used has always moved the customers' data if they moved them to a new server or data center.  To add insult to injury, the new servers were not setup yet, contrary to what they said in the email.  I attempted to call tech support and got some useless idiot in an Indian call center.  He didn't even seem to be aware that the VPS customers had received an email about relocation; he couldn't help me at all.  Well, that cinched it for me.  I found another service provider as fast as possible and got a new VPS.  It's more expensive than the other one, but I've learned long ago that you get what you pay for when it comes to web hosting companies.  Cheapest is best deal not always!

Thus, I spent most of yesterday evening working on moving Selfish Heathens to a new server.  It went far more smoothly than I thought it would.  I even moved all of the old childfree discussion board archives and databases.  So, everything at Selfish Heathens is working properly.  As an added bonus, everything at the new ISP is current.  That's really a novel concept for me.  I was still on Fedora Core 4 and mysql 4.1.20 at the old ISP despite numerous requests from me and others to upgrade our systems.  We didn't even have yum installed on there.  We had to add that ourselves so we could patch the old OS and modules.  Craziness.

I've successfully sold more stuff on Craigslist this week, pocketing another $500 in the process.  However, this week hasn't gone as smoothly as last week.  I swear to Todd, people are fucking stupid and have zero reading comprehension skills!  I can't tell you how many emails I got from people asking me questions to which they could have easily found the answer had they just read the fucking ad.

"How long have you owned the item?  Are you the original owner?  What kind of condition is it in?  Why are you selling it?  How much do you want for it?  Do you have the manuals and the remote?"

Whenever I write an ad, I include all of those things plus pictures.  Duh!  Yet I get moron after moron emailing me to ask these questions over and over again.  I'm sure I could sell things quicker if I did not delete those email inquires, but it's the principle of the thing.   My opinion is that if you can't even be bothered to read and comprehend the ad, you probably are too stupid to follow directions to my house, be on time, and bring the appropriate amount of cash to get the item.  In addition, you are probably too stupid to read and comprehend the original owner's manuals which come with the item, too, and I'm not going to help you setup everything once you buy it.

Oh well.  I guess the $500 is worth it, but boy, is dealing with Craigslist 'tards a good way to raise your blood pressure.  It's a good thing mine is naturally low.

I have sold a ton of stuff on my local Craigslist over the past week, making almost $500 in mad money.  Aside from the money, I'm getting rid of some old furniture and adding lots of space to my house.   I'm not even bummed about the amount of money I get for things that were originally quite expensive!  For example, I sold a solid-wood, three-piece armoire/bookshelf unit for $200.  The thing originally cost me ten times that amount.  However, I had just reached the point where I wanted it out of the house.  It was taking up so much room and seeing very little actual use.  I'm just glad someone else wanted it and will find some enjoyment out of it.  The lady who bought it was thrilled to get it, saying she had been looking for something just like it for a long time.  Enjoy, lady!  I also sold a cute little computer desk and an old bicycle that Mr. Cavyherder hasn't ridden since we lived in Chicago.

On a side note, I wanted to say how crazy it was that I called several different charitable organizations and not one of them called me back.  I originally intended to donate the items to Cause for Paws or Goodwill.  They supposedly have a truck and will come to your home to pickup large items.  I called them five times and left a message, and no one returned my calls.  I guess they weren't interested.  I guess charities aren't as hard-up for donations as they would often have you believe.  Oh well.  I made more money selling the damn things even though dealing with the Craigslist Crazies can sometimes be a lot more hassle than one would imagine.

Of course, whenever I get rid of something, I seem to end up with other things to take its place, often in the most unintended ways.  I suppose the old armoire in the guest bedroom was just replaced with a small LCD TV I purchased at a local pawn shop for a song.  I converted the guest bedroom into a workout room and moved the elliptical, weights, and bench in there.  I relocated all of the antique furniture from the guest bedroom into my office and am now using it for storage.  The LCD TV went on the wall across from the elliptical, and I also moved the Wii into that room so I can exercise to DDR, Wii Fit,  and EA Active without moving the coffee table in the living room.  Overall, I think it's more efficient now.

On top of that, I just finished a big project for a client  who was very happy.  In addition to paying me our regular contracting rate, he just gave me a ton of gift cards to Crutchfield!  I have enough gift cards to buy a really nice LCD TV for the living room, in fact.  I did say he was super happy, right?  So, I'm going to replace the old 34" Toshiba tube TV with the new Samsung LED LCD TV: the Samsung UN55B8000.  I love it.  That thing is a little over an inch thick - so insane.  As an extra bonus, Crutchfield currently has a promotion for a free flat-panel wall mount and a free Samsung Blu-Ray player with the TV order.  How crazy is that?!  Now I'll have a Blu-Ray player to hook into the TV in the workout room too.

So, I'm off to list the old tube TV and media stand on Craigslist.  I cannot wait to have all that free floor space in the living room.  I'm wall-mounting everything, including my AV components.  Woo-hoo!

Mr. Cavyherder has it.  I swear, it's like I have a toddler instead of a husband sometimes.  I have no idea of how he got Pink Eye, but we had to make a fun trip to the Doc in a Box on Sunday so he could get some Vigamox.   Do you have any idea of what kind of crazies go to a Doc in a Box on a Sunday afternoon?  Allow me to share!  One crazy-ass bitch who weighed 300 lbs was sitting in the waiting room, chowing on a Big Mac and some fries from the McDonald's restaurant next door, all while complaining about her "terrbuhl" migraine, which is why she was there.  Yeah, right, and I have some nice swamp land to sell you in New Mexico, you fucking drug seeker!  Then there was the drunk women there with a staple in her finger, waiting to get stitches, who was apparently driven there by her equally drunk and/or stoned and/or retarded son.  They both laughed like loons at the dumbest commercials you can imagine, like the ads for MGD 64 and Taco Bell's Fruitista Freeze.  The rest of the waiting room party included about 8 other people who also need stitches in their hands for various things.  DIY is cheapest not always!

Doesn't that sound like a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon?

A Canadian friend rubbed it in by telling me that Vigamox is available without a prescription in Canada.  You just go to the local pharmacist, tell them you need something for Pink Eye, and they'll give you the drops.  The probably don't cost $100 in Canada, either.

In addition to Pink Eye, he's also had some type of cold for about a week.  Thus, they swabbed him to test for H1N1 while he was at the Doc in a Box (negative) and gave him some Leviquin for bronchitis.    I think the Leviquin is totally unnecessary, especially since they told him that they thought it was viral and his lung x-rays came back clear.  Why the fuck do doctors want to prescribe antibiotics for everything?  Is there some kind of promotion going so that the doc who prescribes the most Leviquin gets a free month-long cruise in the Mediterranean?  Sheesh.

As for my health, I'm doing just fine.   I haven't yet contracted the cold or Pink Eye from Mr. Cavyherder, no thanks to a lack of trying on his part.  I've been sleeping in the guest room since he's been sick, but that always makes him whine about being sick and alone at night.  Uh, yeah, 'cause I don't want fucking PINK EYE.  Deal.

Men are such babies when they're sick.

The retinal specialist said he can save my Mom's vision!  Not only can he halt and repair the vision loss in her right eye, but he can also fix her blind left eye.  She has a hole in her retina in her left eye.  It is not due to diabetic retinopathy.  It is most likely due to a massive fuck-up by the quack who previously treated her in Atlanta.  I'm thrilled that he can save her vision, but I'm also extremely pissed off about the malpractice which occurred by the previous eye doctor.  Suffice it to say, I'm going after him.  According to the retinal specialist, one of two things happened:

1) He completely misdiagnosed the hole in the retina despite x-rays which clearly show it, or

2) He purposefully hid the diagnosis from my Mom since the hole appeared after he gave her a serious of steroid injections in her left eye and then performed cataract surgery on it.

On top of that, the latest consensus by competent eye doctors is that diabetic patients should not be given steroid injections in the eye.  Steroids only increase the pressure caused by diabetic retinopathy!  There is a new drug on the market designed specifically for eye problems in diabetics, and it works very well.  Secondly, the hole in her retina could've been fixed with a minimally invasive gas-bubble technique when it intially occurred.  However, because the eye doctor in Atlanta didn't tell her that her blindness was due to a hole and left it untreated, the hole is now too large to treat with the gas-bubble technique.  It will required actual eye surgery on her retina.

Either way, that fucktard almost cost my Mom her vision.  She has so little joys in life these days thanks to her myriad other problems, and losing her vision was making her seriously depressed.  Can you imagine having vision all your life and then going blind?  It sickens me to think that some jackass purposefully allowed my Mom to go blind in her left eye, whether that is due to his own stupidity and incompetence or his willful and carefully planned cover-up of damage caused by his half-assed treatments.  At this point, I really don't give a fuck what his reasons were.  All I know is that by the time I'm done with him, his ass will be working for me.  He is sure as shit going to pay at least $20,000+ it's going to cost us to get the necessary surgery to fix my Mom's left eye!  However, I'm going for damages for pain and suffering.  If this isn't a prime example of it,  I don't know what is.  Can you imagine walking around for about a year, blind in one eye except for some slight peripheral vision, because some jackass doctor was too proud to admit he didn't know what he was doing or, in addition, fucked it up and then hid that from you until the problem became so bad as to require invasive eye surgery?!

Oh, there will be blood...

I didn't have to spend my weekend painting.  Even though I dearly love my friends, I have enough stuff around my own house to keep me occupied for the rest of 2009.  I desperately need to finish painting the stair risers to the third floor.  Thus, I was absolutely delighted when my friend called me to say she found a tenant for her rental property.  Not only is the tenant going to pay her full rental price, but he's also willing to paint the house himself.  SCORE!  She is so relieved.  At least the burden of the mortgage payment for her rental property will be gone for the next 12 months, and she can really use that since she's still unemployed.

In addition, I think I've talked her into getting a certification in security and working some 1099 contracts for my company.  She's gotten her COBRA stuff in order, so she's now insured and can work as a 1099 for a bit.  I'm willing to pay for her to take the certification exam and have given her some course material to review.  She's started studying, I think, but it is still looking for full-time employment.  If she gets certified, I can put her to work right away making a good hourly rate.  Also, I'm seeing more contracting projects on the horizon, and it's quite possible I can bring her aboard as a full-time employee of my company in 2-3 months.  I'm really hoping she'll take me up on the offer.   I think she would be really great at the job.

She certainly need some good things in her life right now.  On top of being unemployed for 4 months, the guy she was dating dumped her.  Actually, I had pegged him as an asshole from the get-go; he would go on dates with her but spend most of it texting other women on his cellphone.  I told her I thought that was rude, and she made some excuse for it.  I didn't push it because I learned long ago not to interfere when it comes to relationships.  Besides, my friend considers herself "polyamorous", which I think is a crock of shit.  From what I've seen of polyamory, it tends to be some dude who wants to be able to fuck as many women as he wants.  However, those women are not free to fuck other men.  He's the cock that rules the roost, surrounded by adoring hens with eyes only for him.   It's never equitable.  Quelle surprise - he dumped her because she refused to dump the other guy she sees maybe once every two months.  Actually, that's not quite right.  She did dump Mr. Occassional last week.  The day after she dumped Mr. Occassional, this jerk dumped her, citing that she waited too long to do as he asked.  See?  Asshole.  At the same time, he was stringing along a bunch of women, trying to fuck all of them and "build a nice poly family."

I really don't think it was a great loss.  On top of being an asshole, he had kids and an ex-wife nipping at his heels all the time.  My friend is childfree, and I don't think she would like that kind of baggage for the long haul.  However, she's still pretty upset because she thought she really clicked with the guy on both the mental and physical levels.  I need to find some hot young thing to help her get over him.  Really, this problem can be solved by hot fling with a 25-year-old graduate student with a six pack, don't you think?  ;-)  I actually know one who has confessed to me that he has a bit of Cougar Fever going on for my friend.  Mee-ow!

This weekend I'm going to help a friend paint her rental home.  She's been unemployed since March, and the job market sucks here in technology right now.  Her tenant just moved out of the rental, and now it desperately needs some minor fixes to make it rentable again.  She can't afford to hire professional painters right now due to the whole no job thingie.  I offered to haul all of my painting supplies and assist so she won't have to shell out anything other than the cost of the paint.   I'm currently trying to talk her into some color other than white.  I know white "goes with everything", but it's also very hard to keep clean, meaning she has to paint between tenants all the time.  I'm thinking a nice color called Sisal will be better, in a higher sheen that's easier to clean with one of those Magic Erasers.

On top of that, she knows two more people who were recently let go.  One guy worked for the state, and he was fired for publicly complaining about his boss and work environment on some Internet forum for QA people.  He apparently used his real name when making the posts.  What an idiot.  While I don't necessarily agree that people should be fired for what they write in their own journals or forums (provided it's not libelous), it's no big secret that employers look for that kind of thing now and frequently fire people for doing it.  I wonder if he was idiotic enough to write his complaints online while at work?  That would be even more retarded.

Ah well.  Live and learn.  I wonder if also realizes that his little public bitch-fest might show up if future employers run an Internet search for his name?  The power of Google cache can fuck you up for life.

I ponder that mystery on a daily basis, especially on days like today.  

I had my orthodontic appointment this morning to see if I get my braces removed now.  (only 2 more months - WOO HOO!)  My orthodontist's office is configured with a bunch of exam stations in a circle.  So, when you have an appointment, you are typically sitting in the exam area with up to six other patients, and the doctor goes from chair to chair, examining and leaving instructions with the dental interns for your adjustments.  At any rate, one family was in the room while the doc examined their daughter.  Apparently, the intracacies of operating a toothbrush are lost on the daft thing because the doctor was trying to explain that her gums were bleeding and swollen because they were dirty and inflammed from lack of brushing.  The patient also had one of the hooks on her brackets embedded in part of the swollen, infected gum tissue, and they had to remove and replace the whole bracket.  The cherry on top was when the doctor asked her if she had been wearing her rubberbands 24/7 as instructed because her teeth didn't appear to be moving at all.  First, she lied and said yes.  Then the doctor said, "Well, where are they?  I don't see them in your mouth or on the tray."  The girl said she just hadn't worn them to the appointment.  The doc asks her if she wore them overnight.  The girl said no.  The day before?  Nope!  The whole week?  Nope.  Finally, the doctor said, "Then you haven't been wearing your rubber bands as instructed, which is why your teeth aren't moving.  You haven't been brushing your teeth regularly, either, which is why your gums are infected and bleeding.  At this point I can offer two choices.  Either we go ahead and take your braces off if you aren't interested in following your treatment plan, or you can actually wear your elastics like instructed."

Now, it's pretty obvious to me from this whole exchange that this family is probably one of the pro bono or deeply discounted jobs my orthodontist sometimes takes on.  I think it's part of some dental subsidy for the poor.  Still, I don't care how fucking poor you are; it doesn't take much to brush your teeth.  If you can't afford toothpaste (which I find very unbelievable), a bar of Ivory soap is less than 30 cents!  Yes, you can brush your teeth with Ivory soap.  It doesn't taste great, but it will get your teeth very, very clean.  I use it sometimes because I actually think it works better than toothpaste (even whitening formulas) when it comes to removing things like coffee stains and tartar buildup.  (NOTE:  This is only the Ivory bar soap; that soft-soap stuff in a pump should not be used to brush teeth!)  Regardless, who has been to either a dentist or an orthodontist where they don't give you a care package with a new toothbrush, floss, and some toothpaste after your appointment?!  I must have at least 20 toothbrushes and things of floss at my house because of that. So, I really can't imagine what the excuse was for having such a filthy mouth aside from laziness.  That really pisses me off because poor does not equal dirty unless you are just some special kind of sorry 'tard.  The girl didn't appear to be mentally disabled, so I don't see any valid excuse for the state of her mouth.  Add in the fact that she was probably getting her orthodontics for free, and I really can't find any sympathy.  It's extremely insulting to the person providing the service, in my not-so-humble opinion.

At any rate, the hilarity didn't stop there.  The father then suggested to the doctor that she could just put in a false tooth since the "problem" tooth wasn't moving very well.  The doc told him there was no room for a false tooth; the patient has all her own teeth (for the moment).  They just need to move one into the proper position, which won't happen unless she follows instructions and wears her elastics!  Then the father said, "Well, can you maybe knock that toof loose?  I used to be a boxer, and when our teef were knocked loose we would wire them back into place.  Maybe if you knock that toof loose, then you can move it!"

I lost it at that point and started giggling.  I couldn't help myself.  This dude was basically suggesting that someone punch his daughter in the mouth in order to loosen her tooth so it would move.  The doctor, to her credit, looked surprised but said, "Well, I haven't thought of that approach, but perhaps it could work.  I, however, cannot loosen teeth.  You will have to go back to your oral surgeon to see what he says.  I can give you a referral!"

The father didn't seem happy to have to make an appointment with an oral surgeon, but he took the referral.  Then he said that the orthodontist would have to see his daughter every two weeks to make sure she stayed motivated to follow her treatment plan and wear her elastics.  I have to say, the doctor was a sport.  She agreed!  That's just crazy . The patient looked to be at least 14 or 15 years old .  We're not talking about a toddler or little kid.  The rest of us see the doctor every 6-8 weeks and no more unless we have a problem which requires immediate attention inbetween appointments: loose bracket, poking wire, etc. I honestly would've told them that it was their job to motivate their daughter to follow instructions, not mine!  Oh, did I mention that my orthodontist is childfree?  Gee, I wonder why...

By the time the doctor got to me, I couldn't help saying, "I hope you aren't going to suggest that I need to be punched in the mouth to move my teeth!  I swear I've been wearing my elastics!"  My teeth are notoriously hard to move due to the root structure: damn Cherokee teeth with zigzag roots or three roots where there should be two.  Then the doctor started laughing, and we couldn't stop laughing through the whole appointment.  She said, "Yes, I love being told how to do my job, especially by someone who has no teef of his own.  But since they didn't want to admit that not wearing elastics isn't why her teeth aren't moving, I'm more than happy to send them to an oral surgeon.  If he can loosen her teeth surgically so we can move them better and without elastics, great!  It'll be a huge breakthrough in orthodontics!  Forget braces; how about a swift kick in the teeth?"  And we laughed and laughed and laughed.  My orthodontist is hilarious.  

I still have to wear elastics through September; three different rubberbands, in fact.  *grumble grumble grumble*  She also moved a bracket on one of those teeth with the zigzag roots.  However, she did schedule me to have them removed on my next appointment and get fitted for my retainer.  So ---- YAY!  I'll be free of braces by my next birthday!  I'm going to eat popcorn and a giant carmel apple coated with nuts and chocolate-covered raisins and all the yummy, chewy stuff I haven't been able to eat for the past two years.  I can't wait!

My Mom called me last week to tell me that she's beginning to lose her vision in her right eye.  Of course, this was bound to happen, especially since I just bought her a Kindle for Mother's Day so she could read.  (The Kindle allows you to crank up the font, which is super-handy for old people with vision problems.)  Thus, she is now on the path to total loss of vision in her final days.  She was resigned, but I'm not one to give up so easily.

As luck would have it, I recently encountered someone who traveled to a specialist in Tennessee to have a hole repaired in her retina.  Yes, that's correct.  She had a hole in her retina, rendering her blind in one eye.  I talked with her at length about it, and she offered to ask the physician if he thought he could treat someone with retinopathy while she was there.  I was pretty excited to hear that he can and does.  In fact, his whole practice started in an effort to save the vision of people with diabetic retinopathy.  I've already booked an appointment for my Mom.

While there are no guarantees that he can do anything, I'm certainly willing to try.  This doctor will also be able to tell if Mom's vision loss is due to the monoclonal gammopathy or diabetic changes.  At this point, I'm thinking it has to be due to the blood disorder.  The nephrologist has had my Mom's diabetes under control for a year.  Her blood sugars are well below 100 these days, and she's no longer taking any oral medication or insulin for it.  Regardless of the cause, I'm extremely hopeful that the doctor can repair it or at least halt it while she has vision that is somewhat correctable with lenses.

The real trick is to see if her current insurance will pay for it.  I'm trying to track that down with her Medicare Disability coverage and her Medicare Advantage policy.  Even if they don't, I'm still taking her.  I can't bear the thought of her going blind if there's even the slimmest chance of being able to prevent it.

I'm totally laughing my ass off at hypochondriacs who blather endlessly about their own allergies and ailments (bonus points if they do it on the Internets!) and still have the audacity to accuse old people who complain about their health issues of being self-absorbed and annoying.

You really can't make up shit that funny!

...while girls marry guys hoping they do.

I've heard that quote somewhere, and, as sad as it is, it seems to be true.  I've seen so many people in unhappy marriages because the girl thought "I can change him" or the guy thought "this 20-lb overweight woman is not who I married."  What's even sadder is that the number of women I know who do the whole bait-and-switch routine outnumber the men who become disinterested after their wives gain weight/lose weight/cut their hair/etc.  I'm sort of embarrassed at some lows to which my fellow women will stoop to land a husband.

The worst thing women seem to do is the ol' bait-and-switch tactic with regards to sex.  I've known two different couples who got divorced because of that.  The women were total sex kittens before the marriage, but as soon as they got the marriage license, they decided they no longer needed to have sex with their husbands.  They didn't have children to interfere with their sex lives or anything; they just thought that they shouldn't have to have sex anymore because they never really enjoyed it to begin with. Of course, this left their husbands baffled.  What happened to the sex kittens they thought they were marrying?!  Well, they probably never existed.  They just baited the trap with sex, and the men took the bait only to have it snatched away once inside the trap.

I think that's sick, actually.  For starters, not all men are obsessed with sex.  I've met a fair share of guys who are uninterested: asexual, even.  They aren't looking for some sex fiend for a wife.  I don't know why these women didn't seek out those men instead of using false advertising to attract the kind of man who is interested in sex.  Really, what's the thought process there? "Hmmmm.  All I have to do is get him to the altar.  After that, he'll never notice if I don't want to have sex again.  Then, he'll be the perfect husband!"

Why am I talking about this?  Well, because I've recently encountered yet another dude who is at a loss of what to do now that his wife has cut him off.  Actually, she cut him off right after they were married.  While dating, they were adventurous: sex toys, role play, etc.  He said when they returned from their honeymoon she took every sex toy they owned and threw them all in the garbage!  I was stunned to hear that.  He probably should've left her then, but he hung around, thinking it was a phase.  Two kids later, he's now lucky to get missionary once every six months despite much prodding and hinting on his part.  Last week was his birthday, and his wife asked him what he wanted.  He told her that he wanted her to go with him to Adam & Eve and pick out a toy she would enjoy using on herself because that would make him the happiest man alive.  (An aside:  he's a total submissive who wants to serve his wife any way she wants him to.)  She told him, "Get over it.  I'm so done with that."

It just boggles my mind.

Every so often we get idiots who register at Selfish Heathens, a board for childfree atheists, even though they are decidedly NOT childfree or atheists. Of course, these people like to state right out of the gate that they know they don't belong but don't care, despite our numerous warnings about not wanting these people at Selfish Heathens.  They give us such charming tidbits like, "I'm not an atheist, but you can't do anything about it.  Hahahahahahahaha!"  You know - they give an introduction destined to endear them to everyone by being quick to mention their religion despite the fact that we have very explicit warnings about not tolerating assholes who register on a discussion forum for childfree atheists only to mention his/her religion.  They get bonus points if they immediately try to cover their tracks by changing their registration information to a fake email address.  No, that's not troll-like at all.  :::rolling eyes:::

Enter our latest tragic example: a Christian-Pagan Breeder who dumped her kid on her ex-husband after she realized kids weren't for her. She goes by jays_buttercup here on LiveJournal.  Oh wait - she had the kid only because it's what he wanted, and she never really felt a bond with the kid. Thus, she divorced the Baby Daddy and is now living a "childfree" life with a new husband. She proudly proclaims that she is, in fact, childfree and has no interest in her child.  Undoubtedly, she probably isn't paying child support, either. I love how people like to brag about "finding out the hard way" that parenthood wasn't for them. Of course, that means they didn't want any of the responsibility one automatically assumes when birthing a child.  Here's the thing about having kids; a done bun can't be undone.  It's here.  You can't stuff it away in some dark corner and forget the thing exists.  It does.  You were responsible for bringing a new life into this world, and you have to deal with the consequences of that on some level or another.  You don't get to pretend it never happened just because you later decided the whole child-rearing thing isn't for you.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a holier-than-thou childfree person.  I don't automatically exclude someone who has given birth from being childfree.  Abortion isn't for everyone, and pregnancies happen, whether it is by accident (like a birth control failure) or, Todd forbid, rape.  I don't condemn anyone who is a birth mother and chose adoption or one who became pregnant and chose abortion.   Those people were accepting the responsibility for their actions.  I know one birth mother who was very conflicted with adoption.  She obviously has issues with it to this day.   She sacrificed a piece of herself and her own mental and emotional well-being because she knew she wasn't parent material.  In essence, she ignored what was good for herself in order to make sure her child was raised by people who wanted it, despite reservations and guilt and all the other emotions she experienced throughout the process.

Am I saying birth mothers should shroud themselves in guilt and regret for the rest of their lives?  No.  If you had a child and gave it up as an infant for adoption and feel good about that, then more power to you.  I don't think you should feel eternal guilt for an adoption any more than I think they you should feel eternal guilt for an abortion.  That kid is never going to remember you, anyway, though there is always the possibility that it could come looking for you when it's older.  That is a risk you willingly accepted when having it and surrendering it for adoption.  However, that is very different than someone who walks away from a kid who is old enough to remember her or one who runs off with another man because she decided this whole mother thing just isn't going to work out for her, leaving all the responsibility with the father or grandparents or the foster system.  I know for certain that if a man left his wife and children because he just didn't like being a father and then didn't at least pay child support the court system and public opinion would not be in his favor.  I have no reason to see why public opinion should be in the favor of a woman who does that, either, despite her assertions otherwise.

I suppose the only bright side is that her kid is (hopefully) with someone who actually wants it, but I still don't see how this person is childfree.  That kind of crappy decision making is a slap in the face of everyone who takes extreme measure to actually be childfree, whether that's through adoption, abortion, sterilization, or religious use of contraception on a daily basis.  I don't consider wanting a do-over several years into your child's life as being childfree, goddamn it!  It just isn't.  You aren't childfree.  You're a regretful parent who took extreme measures to avoid your responsibilities, but you are NOT childfree.

Although the crooked HVAC company called me on Monday to say they were processing my full refund, they also said it might take more than the 10 days I had given them in my letter to do so. I got the check yesterday. I guess they showed my letter and evidence to their legal department, who said, "We don't have a leg to stand on. Mail that check NOW!" That's too bad, really. A tiny, evil part of me was hoping they would drag their feet because I could get triple damages if it went all the way to the Attorney General.

Oh well. At least I got a full refund of my money with absolutely zero fight. Now I can focus on finishing the painting in my house. I had my hardwood floors installed right after the incident with the HVAC unit started, and everything looks PHENOMENAL. However, I quickly decided I needed to repaint. I had very dark colors in my living room, and it made the room seem very dark with the hardwood floors. So, it's now a light tan color: Belle Grove Buff from the Valspar Historic Colors Collection. My dining/kitchen is now Woodlawn Tea Room Yellow. I love yellow. It's such a sunny, cheerful color, and it looks awesome with the floors. I also painted my workout room, which is now Belle Grove Valley Fog, a soothing, spa-like green.
( Pictures behind the cut )


The next big project is to update our kitchen. We have those standard, builder-grade oak cabinets with brass hardware which were so very popular in the early nineties when our house was built. I'm going to paint those white. I'm also installing a pressed-tin backsplash in white, and I'll probably change my countertops to soapstone or butcher block. Since our house is a replica of a Louisiana plantation-style home, I'm trying to keep the interior authentic to what would have been in a home back then. I'm pretty sure that plantation kitchens in the 1800s didn't have granite counters. Actually, the houses wouldn't have had kitchens; the kitchen would've been in a separate building. Regardless, even the fanciest kitchen in the 1800s wouldn't have had granite. At most, they might have had imported carerra marble, but that stuff stains easily. It's beautiful, but high-maintenance. Anything high-maintenance isn't for me! I'm leaning towards the butcher block counters, though. I love the warmth of wood, and I think counters in dark walnut would look lovely with white cabinets to offset them.

I'll probably update the dishwasher and stove as well. I'm looking into induction cooktops from Electrolux. I don't have gas, but I really despise the old-style electric cooktop I have. It's a pain to keep the burners clean, and they don't seen to heat quickly or evenly despite my nice copper-core cookware. Thus, I'm thinking an induction cooktop is the way to go. We replaced our old refrigerator a couple of years ago, getting a nice stainless one. I would like to get a stainless stove and dishwasher to make the kitchen look more finished and less haphazard.

I need to win the lottery...

Yes, boys and girls, it's that time of the year when I try to hire someone to do something at my home only to choose a company with questionable business practices. It's apparently my lot in life to have horrible luck when it comes to hiring folks. After last year's fiasco with the painters, I joined Angie's List in the hopes of improving my odds. Alas, it is not to be. I've spent the last month wasting my time on an HVAC company which tried to defraud me. Actually, make that two HVAC companies, both of whom were well-rated on Angie's List!

It all started when my regular HVAC company showed up in April to do Spring maintenance on my systems. The systems had been working just fine, which is why I was surprised when the guy said, "Hey, your system is looking old. You'll probably have to think about replacing it soon. I wouldn't be surprised if it had leaks or something!" I asked him if he saw any leaks, and he said no but that he had to add a half-unit of Freon, which indicated a leak somewhere because Freon doesn't just disappear. He left me with a bill for $200 for the Freon, and the unit seemed to work fine. However, we didn't use it very much after the service because the weather was great: highs around 70° F or so.

Flash-forward to May. On one particularly warm Saturday in the 90s, we turned on the AC upstairs only to have it blow hot air. I was suspicious that perhaps the last service company had done something since they were hinting for us to replace our nine-year-old unit, so I checked Angie's List to find another company for a second opinion. That's how I found Service Experts. They had an A rating with no bad reviews, so I called them. They had someone at the house within an hour, and this was on a Saturday. So, it appeared things were off to a good start. The technician poked around for 30 minutes or so, and he said my only problem was that the PC Defrost Board appeared to be fried. He suggested that it could be lightning damage because severe storms had moved through our area the week prior, and fried electrical components were typical of lightning damage. He said it would cost me $711.75 to replace the board. After we installed the part he could then check the rest of the system for other damage. We ordered the part, and two days later he came back to replace it. Then he claimed he found all of these other problems: leaks, electrical damage in the air handler, etc. He, too, suggested that we replace the unit since it was nine years old. He kept finding things wrong until the price to repair everything was as much as a new unit. Then he gave me a quote for a new system, saying they could install tomorrow if I would just sign on the dotted line.

Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled at the idea of spending $5,000 - $6,000 on a new AC system, but if it was broken due to lightning damage like he said, my homeowner's insurance would pay for it! So, I filed a claim with State Farm. They verified the thunderstorms in our area and opened a claim. They spent most of May trying to call Service Experts to verify their damage reports so they could decide whether or not to pay for repairs or replacement, but the company never returned their calls. They became suspicious and sent an independent HVAC consultant to inspect our system. Well, wouldn't you know it; he didn't find one damn thing wrong with our unit at all. It didn't have Freon because someone had left the service valve open, letting all of it leak out. I didn't have power to the thermostat because someone left the AC disconnect off the air handler in the attic. Finally, there was nothing wrong with the old PC Defrost Board. (I was a least smart enough to keep that because the insurance company said I might need it to verify the claim.) Not only was nothing wrong with the original part, but they had charged me $711.75 for a part which costs $150 brand new with a factory warranty!

That's when I sat down and penned this little letter.

( Cavyherder's Patented Nasty-Gram )


I received a phone call yesterday afternoon from Service Experts telling me they would be issuing me a full refund immediately. However, I'm still giving them a bad review on Angie's List because I don't want someone else to see an A rating and no bad reviews and get suckered like I did. In retrospect, it's quite clear this company was hellbent on selling me a new system or, barring that, ripping me off by selling me repairs and parts I didn't need: a new electronic board, a new evaporator coil, a new compressor, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if they got kickbacks from Lennox or Ruud for selling systems and parts. Fuckers...

In the meantime, the insurance consultant recommended another local HVAC company which he feels is reputable. They have since fixed my unit by simply closing the service valve, adding Freon, and running a leak check. The system now work perfectly, and I have no leaks or any kind of damage. Oh - and they only charged me $100.00 for five units of Freon. The people who did the Spring maintenance charged me twice that for a half unit. WTF?! *sigh* I'm debating whether or not I want to send that company a nasty-gram to recoup that money, too, citing overcharging.